Proclivities
by dietcokechic
Summary: When is a pair of pants NOT a pair of pants? **This is for all those who are thinking i can ONLY write angst.**


Title: Proclivities  
Subtitle: When is a pair of pants NOT a pair of pants?  
Author: dietcokechic  
Email: dietcokechic@hotmail.com  
Season: Any before season 4  
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG (for swearing)  
  
Author's Notes: This started out as a chapter for a much longer piece I'm working   
on, but the chapter ran away from me and took on a life of it's own. (I have always   
been a fan of Suz' short stories and envied her ability to write these wonderful   
vignettes. This is my attempt at one of my own. Enjoy!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sam sat on the slightly damp rock watching Daniel as he zipped in and out of   
buildings trying desperately to collect as much information as possible before   
heading back to the SGC. It was their last day on the planet and everything had   
gone perfectly smoothly. Sam had taken her soil samples, Daniel got to look at   
temples, Teal'c was the ever stoic and reliable Teal'c. And the Colonel? The Colonel   
was bored out of his mind. Sam smiled at that last thought. As much as he hated   
the Goa'uld and disliked it when missions went awry, it WAS the only time he wasn't   
bored and felt useful.  
  
Teal'c and Jack had gone up ahead to break down the camp while Sam stayed with   
Daniel as he finished photographing some ruins. The planet appeared to be deserted   
and the buildings seemed rather old. Daniel was quite enthusiastic about their   
origin.  
  
"Just think Sam, this might have been the place some of the original Mayans were   
brought too! Just look at this carving..." Sam felt guilty as she tuned him out. She   
knew this was exactly what the Colonel did to both herself and Daniel. Normally she   
shared in his enthusiasm, but she was tired and looking forward to a long hot soak in   
the bathtub. This planet might be rather pleasant in the summer, but it was now (by   
Sam's estimations) late fall and decidedly chilly. She'd be glad to get home.  
  
"Carter, Daniel, you guys ready to come on back?"  
  
Sam keyed her mike as she glanced over at Daniel. The poor guy was trying hard   
not to pout. "On our way Sir."  
  
"Sweet- home by dinner. See you in 30."  
  
"Sorry Daniel, you heard the Colonel." Daniel muttered something under his breath   
as he gathered his equipment and stuffed it all in his backpack.   
  
They lapsed into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, during which Sam   
became increasing aware of the need for a bathroom. Or a private tree. She was   
incredibly embarrassed, as she seldom had to actually *tell* anyone when she   
needed to go. What made it all the worse was that this planet didn't have any large   
trees to speak of; just lots of grassy plains and small plants. Sam smiled as she   
heard John Cleese' voice in her head inform her it was shrubbery. It had rained   
sometime in the recent past and the ground was squishy with mud in quite a few   
places. On the plus side, the lack of large trees usually meant the absence of large   
predators.  
  
"Uh Daniel?" Sam said stopping near a small clearing. "Would you mind..."  
  
"No problem Sam. I'll stay right here and try not to shoot myself." That actually   
HAD been a valid concern during their first couple of missions. Daniel was so damn   
accident-prone! Somehow along the way he had gained quite a lot of survival skills   
and had most definitely filled out. Sam saw how the female contingency at the SGC   
regarded Daniel. The nurses always vied for the chance to give Daniel both his pre   
and post mission physicals. Gone was the scrawny, clueless scientist, and in his   
place was a valuable, seasoned member of SG-1. Although he STILL could still get in   
a heap of trouble without lifting his little pinky.  
  
"I'll be back in a flash Daniel." Sam said with a slight smile as she headed away in   
the opposite direction in search of a decent bush.   
  
Although Daniel knew Sam would be right back, he decided to take the opportunity   
to rest for a moment and headed towards a large rock just to the left of yet another   
large pile of mud. The first couple of steps went fine and Daniel only marginally   
noticed that he was sinking a little further into the mud. He took another large step   
and was shocked to feel no ground at all. *Oh Shit.*  
  
Daniel instantly sank up to his hips in what was obviously P39-722's version of quick   
sand. He tried in vain to retrace his steps and get back to the mud "shelf" he must   
have stepped on earlier. No luck. *Shit! They were SO not going to let him live this   
down.*  
  
"SAAAAAMMMMM!" Scarcely a second later he heard her racing out of the 'forest'   
behind him. Naturally he only remembered his radio AFTER he had shouted her   
name. God. Could he maybe get out of this without Jack finding out?  
  
"Daniel!" Sam yelled at seeing her friend in the middle of what appeared to be a   
pool of mud.  
  
"Don't say it Sam." Daniel said warily at seeing the look of utter incredulousness on   
her face. He could just hear the debriefing later. "I swear Sirs, I only left him alone   
for a few moments.." He shook his head. "Yes, it is quicksand. Could you possibly   
get me out of here please?" Daniel tried to keep his voice light, but he had already   
sunk a good couple of inches in just the span of a minute or two. He was a wee bit   
nervous.  
  
"Hold on Daniel. And don't move!" Sam tore off her pack and began rooting around   
inside it for something to help Daniel. Sparing a few seconds, she keyed her radio   
on. "Colonel? We have a situation here." Sam said as she frowned at her pack. No   
rope.   
  
"Carter?" Jack said with a note of urgency. "What's going on?"  
  
"Daniel found some quick sand Sir. I'm going to try and get him out, but I wouldn't   
begrudge any help you guys might bring. We're about 2 clicks north of you on the   
same path we made yesterday."  
  
"We're on our way Sam." Jack's terse voice said over the radio. He grabbed a   
backpack (he had the rope) and together with Teal'c began jogging down the path   
towards Sam and Daniel.  
  
"Shit!" Sam yelled as she stood up and frantically scanned the area for SOMETHING   
she could use to help Daniel. What she wouldn't give for a nice tall deciduous tree.   
Grassy fields and rocks weren't going to be of much help. Most of her stuff was at   
the campsite and at first glance, she didn't have a damn thing that would help   
Daniel. Daniel! Sam jerked her head towards the bog to check on her friend.  
  
Daniel was sinking. He didn't want to mention this to Sam, as she appeared to be   
searching quite franticly through her pack. But he was now up to his waist and   
starting to get very worried. He tried to take a step forward.  
  
"Daniel, stop that!" Sam yelled at him as she withdrew a spare pair of pants from   
her pack. There were also two shirts in there (one quite smelly) but it would take   
too long to rip them up and tie everything together. The pants though just might   
work. Sam had never been so thankful for long legs in her life! She pulled off her   
belt and examined it.   
  
"Dammit!" She said aloud. The belt consisted of 36 inches of reinforced webbing   
(which was good) but the buckle was a joke! There wasn't enough space to feed   
anything except the webbing through it. In theory she could have thrown Daniel the   
belt but she needed something additional to attach to it.. which was where her pants   
came in. But without a loop of some sort...  
  
Doubting it would be long enough Sam tied one leg of the pants securely around a   
loop she fashioned from the belt. It only gave her a foot or so of extra length, plus it   
didn't look like it would hold their combined weight.  
  
"Sam?" A very apprehensive Daniel Jackson asked. "Uh, how's it going? I don't   
mean to rush you or anything, but..."  
  
"Almost there Daniel." Sam said not even looking up from what she was doing. She   
didn't want to see that Daniel had now sunk to his chest.  
  
"Screw it!" Sam yelled as she jerked her pants down and quickly took them off over   
her boots. She shivered in the cool air and was thankful to be wearing somewhat   
respectable underwear. //I wonder if MacGyver ever had to lose his pants to save his   
friends?//  
  
"Sam?!" Daniel asked confused as to why Sam felt the need to divest herself of   
trousers. What the heck was she doing? Nice panties Sam- you know Jack is just   
going to love this. Seriously. Jack Is Going To Love This. Despite the situation   
Daniel couldn't help but smile.  
  
"It's the only way to make something long enough Daniel." Sam explained as she   
tied both pair of pants together. She stood up and looked at the steadily sinking Dr.   
Jackson. Daniel was quickly approaching his armpits.  
  
"Now would be a good time to test this homemade rope of yours Sam." Daniel   
hoped his voice wasn't as shaky sounding as he felt.  
  
"Cross your fingers." Sam muttered as she tossed Daniel a pant leg. It sank in the   
mud 6 inches from his fingertips. She quickly pulled the material out and took a   
small step forward. She could sense the mud oozing into her shoes but could still   
feel solid ground beneath her feet.   
  
"Let's try it again, catch it Daniel!" Sam held her breath as she again threw one   
end of the make-shift rope.  
  
"Got it!" Daniel shouted. The muck was now a little passed his shoulders. Daniel   
wrapped the pant leg around his wrist and held on for dear life as Sam began to pull.   
This was the hard part. Not only was Sam pulling a person who weighed more than   
herself, but there was also the fact that she had to pull him through the mud as well.  
  
"Lose the backpack!" Sam yelled pulling with all her strength. It was   
extremely slow going without anything to use as leverage. Adrenaline however is a   
mighty fine thing. It enables mother's to rip car doors off of hinges to save their   
children and it helps Air Force Majors pull their closest friends to safety.  
  
"Don't fight it Daniel!" Sam grunted as she could feel her muscles straining to their   
uppermost limit. She had managed to pull him nearly a foot and was now inching   
her way out of the mud bank. Suddenly she slipped and fell straight back onto her   
backside. Quickly Sam righted herself and continued to pull. Both of her legs were   
now covered in the slightly gritty mud and Sam could feel it getting into her   
underwear as well. //The Colonel is going to love this.// Sam mused to herself.  
  
"Almost there." Daniel cried. He could see her eyes shut in total concentration   
and wished there was a way to make his body lighter. He was jerked another few   
inches forward and suddenly became aware of solid land beneath his feet.  
  
"You did it Sam!" Daniel shouted as he clawed at the muddy bank in an effort to pull   
his body out of the muck. An arm was suddenly in his face and Daniel grabbed it like   
the lifeline it was. Grunting with exertion, Sam pulled Daniel out of the bog and   
together they collapsed into the muddy grass.  
  
And that's where Jack and Teal'c found them two minutes later- panting unevenly   
and covered in mud. Teal'c raised an eyebrow in amusement as he observed his   
friends conditions. MajorCarter was without trousers.  
  
Jack just stood at the edge of the bog and stared. Now that it was obvious that the   
immediate concern was over he took a moment to assess the situation (and collect   
himself before he burst out in laughter.) On his left lay his 2IC clad in a wet and   
muddy t-shirt, hiking boots and what appeared to be blue and white striped bikini   
panties. Feeling guilty even as he did so, Jack couldn't help but admire her long   
muscular legs and the way her t-shirt had ridden up to expose part of her lower   
stomach. //Crunches Carter?//   
  
He quickly shook his head and swallowed the rather large lump in his throat. Carter   
was sexy as hell fully clothed, clad in underwear and covered in mud Carter looked...   
Well, Carter looked damn good. //Get a grip Jack! Fantasies later. No! I mean, no   
fantasies. No fantasies about Carter that is. Ah for crying out loud, would you stop   
already?// Jack turned away from Sam to take a look at Daniel.  
  
A completely mud-caked Dr. Jackson lay next to her with one arm thrown   
haphazardly across her waist. He had kept his glasses but they were so covered in   
grime that Jack doubted they would do any good at the moment. He spied what had   
to be Sam's pants crumpled in a wet, muddy pile a few inches from their hands.   
Which happened to still be clasped together.  
  
"I SO wish I had a camera." Jack finally said. "Definitely a SG-1 Christmas photo   
card contender."  
  
"Shut up Jack." Daniel sighed as he carefully disentangled himself from Sam and sat   
up. Sam slowly inched herself upright as well. She was still breathing hard and her   
arms were visibly shaking from fatigue and strain.  
  
Rather than force the pair to stand up before they were ready, Jack squatted down   
next to them.  
  
"Everyone ok?" He asked seriously. Sam could only nod while Daniel did a funny   
hand wave.  
  
"You know Daniel, if you wanted to see Sam in her underwear there are probably   
easier ways to do so." Jack said with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"Very funny Jack." Daniel said shivering slightly.   
  
"Carter, you sure your all right?" Jack said putting a warm hand on her still shaking   
arm.   
  
"Will be Sir." Sam said hoping to god she didn't throw up on her CO. "Just feeling   
the excess adrenaline bleed right now." Jack nodded.   
  
"Let's get you into some pants, shall we? As much as I happen to like looking at   
your legs Carter, it probably would be for the best if you walked through the   
Stargate fully clothed." He tried (but failed) to hide the grin. Sam just blushed.   
This was like that dream she had a few weeks back. The one that she really   
shouldn't have had, about the person she really shouldn't be dreaming about. Still-   
it was awfully nice to see the Colonel looking so discombobulated over the sight of   
her in her underwear.  
  
Sam had obviously used both of her pairs of trousers in order to rescue Daniel and   
although Daniel's pants would have fit her better, the obvious lack of backpack on   
Daniel's part would make that a little tough. "Mine it is." Jack muttered under his   
breath. Jack was awfully glad he still had his spare pair of pants stuffed in the   
bottom of his pack.  
  
"Can you stand, Carter?" Jack asked gently holding out his hand. Teal'c had already   
gotten Daniel off his butt and was attempting to help him wipe off some of the   
excess muck.  
  
"I think so." Sam said grabbing a hold of the hand Jack offered. Sam tried to hide   
the grimace as her shoulder muscles screamed in protest. Jack didn't miss a beat.  
  
"Sprain, tear or just sore as hell Major?" Jack asked as soon as she was standing,   
albeit on incredibly shaking legs.  
  
"Just sore as hell Sir." She flashed both Jack and Daniel a smile. "He weighs more   
than he looks."  
  
"Pretend I'm a tree Carter." Jack said as he handed her his pants. He resisted   
valiantly the urge to help Sam wipe off some of the excess mud from her legs. Sam   
wiped off what she could and smiled gracefully at the Colonel as she leaned against   
him and awkwardly pulled on his spare pants. She swayed several times in the   
process, but Jack always steadied her and kept his mouth firmly shut the entire time.   
  
The pants hung ridiculously low on her slim hips and one quick glance around   
revealed no trace of her belt. Oh well, Sam had heard low riders were 'in' this year.   
She started to bend down to roll up the cuffs when the Colonel stopped her and with   
an audible crunch of his knees, bent down to do it for her.   
  
"Thanks Sir." Sam said softly.  
  
"Look on the bright side Carter." Jack said as he lifted his pack onto his back. "You   
and Daniel won't have to hump your share of the tents back to the SGC." He turned   
to look at Daniel and Teal'c. "Ready?"  
  
"We are ready O'Neill."  
  
"Let's head on home, campers."  
  
They walked the distance to the Stargate without incident. Daniel squelched his way   
up to the DHD and began dialing the coordinates for home. He wondered who was   
scheduled for the locker room first? He shook his head in defeat. Considering that   
Sam had just saved his life, she was most definitely entitled her to the first shower.   
  
"You know the rumor mill is just going to go nuts with this little adventure of ours   
Carter." Jack said waving a hand in Daniel's direction. He looked ridiculous covered   
in mud that was still damp in spots and dry and crusty in others. You couldn't even   
tell what color his hair was supposed to be! Sam could only hope she didn't look as   
bad.  
  
"True Sir, but somehow I think they will find it a little more interesting that I am   
returning home wearing your pants." Sam said smiling somewhat shyly up at her   
CO.   
  
"*I* find it a little more interesting that you are wearing my pants." Jack said giving   
her a wide grin. Jack couldn't remember who had started the playful flirting that had   
become such a constant on off-world missions, but he definitely liked it.  
  
"Well then, maybe I'll just have to find a way to wear them again one day." Sam   
said with a twinkle in her eye as she sashayed up the ancient stairs and through the   
Stargate.  
  
"I am SO not going to be able to sleep well tonight." Jack muttered as he stepped   
through the event horizon.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Completed Sept. 2002.  
Feedback adored! 


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